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Life Lessons

by Handguns

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Anvil 01:21
Fifty-two bricks stared me dead in the face while this anvil hung above my head patiently waiting. There's nothing left for us in Denver tonight -- let's finish up the drive and scrape up the rest of our lives. Feeling nauseous at the thought of trying to rebuild but it's all that we know and there's a debt to kill. So much encouragement leaves us thinking we could be the ones.
I wont forget the day that the fire in your eyes died. I choked down the memories - I said goodbye to you and me. I just can't do this anymore - the best of luck I hope you find what you've been searching for. And I'm here to say; I'm done losing sleep over this and every stupid thing that you did. I'm done staying up all night wondering if I went about this right. Another night in a smoke filled bedroom. It's kind of funny how it tends to come full circle. You led me on for far too long. I found the strength to walk away and it hurts to say that I looked up to you. I choked down those memories, I said goodbye. Devil in disguise, I could see right through your eyes, Devil in disguise, now I know you for who you really are. You let your vices take control of you and I lost my faith in your point of view and it hurts to say I looked up to you.
Four years spent on the open road - I used to think that there was nothing left for me at home. With everywhere I've been and everything I've seen, this place finally feels like home to me. I'm living like an outlaw, nowhere to go. You can't take what I stole; it's now mine to hold. These yellow lines, they made me who I am today even though some might think I'm wasting my life away. Losing my mind on this twelve-hour drive. This van would be my grave if I died tonight. Always on the run, never slowing down, at it since I was young and you can't stop me now. There's still something about the smell of gasoline - it fuels the fire to keep me going. Exit signs, highways lights, long drives and late nights.
This troubled head of mine is swelling up again - my bloodshot eyes are wide open. I can't seem to shake this feeling; I'm always staring at the ceiling. So I'll just take deep breaths and get some rest. I need time to clear my head. There's a battle between what's wrong and what's right and as this war wages on. I will lie awake at night. It's my heart vs. my head this time. This conflicted heart beating in my chest is fighting with the demons in my head. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off dead. It's my heart vs. my head this time. I will draw the line and I'm taking back what's mine and leave the rest behind. Let it bend me 'till I'm broken. I'll self-destruct at any given moment. My head against the wall - scream until I'm choking - can't take this at all - waiting for my wake up call. And it's eating me alive - tearing out all of my insides. I want to close my eyes, just get some sleep tonight and get on with my life. Clear out this head of mine. This troubled head of mine is swelling up again, my bloodshot eyes are wide open and I can't seem to shake this feeling. I'm always staring at the ceiling.
Twenty-three, just trying to make ends meet. I never believed in what society told me and I don't think that we'll ever change. Don't want to be put in my place. I don't belong there, no I don't belong there, no I don't, no I don't, no I- Don't tell me what's right for me when I'm the happiest that I will ever be. Can you look yourself dead in the eyes and say you got what you wanted out of your life? I can't relate to your routines or your student loans, I grasped the things that I know all on my own. If I died tomorrow my headstone would read, "Never needed much, lived my life for me."
Broken down stages and no hourly wages -- a sunburn for weeks and all our loved ones still hate us. A winter night in Portland, I walked out the door to wander the city and I asked myself if anyone still cared. The road's so disappointed. I think I should stop complaining. I don't want to be weak. The ends passed each other on the street. I don't want to be scared; I just want you to remember me. Tell me would you wait for me? A summer night in Houston, I walked out the door to wander the city and I asked myself if anyone still cared. If you want to leave, why don't you go? I can't make the space for everything you want and what you deserve. If you want to leave why don't you go? I never said that this wont hurt. Stare at me, wondering if I've got the steam to keep this thing going.
Queens 04:05
Born in the city -- we used to play in the streets. I was taught to steal for myself and let some crooks run free. People tell me I look like my dad but I haven't fought enough men to match the guts that he had. A bastard of Queens, these streets have always called to me. I'm not afraid of being punched in the face; just the seconds before because I hate that I can't see the future. I'm not afraid of being jumped at midnight because I'd force my ghost to follow them home for a fight. Mile high energy ride on finding the actual thief tonight -- forced up on the wall, been looking for answers we knew he wouldn't give us at all. It took a drive though his old neighborhood listening to all of his stories to teach me the kind of man I want to be.
Sometimes I wish that I was still that kid from just 10 years ago. But recently I've learned, for what it's worth, I'm better off letting go of the past so I can give myself some ample space to grow. If you keep looking back, you'll never know, never know just which way to go. We give and we take. It's a beautiful mess we make. We laugh and we cry. It's the only way to make it through this life. I know I've made mistakes more than I can count on just my hands alone, and it shows that I learned to grow, I'll make it known, I'll be fine on my own. I've spent too many nights questioning the meaning of my life and making sense of all the little things that open up your eyes.
I remember it like it was yesterday; the long and anxious ride out to the hospital. We didn't make it in time to say goodbye. I just wish that I got to say I love you one last time, but I'll smile up at the sky with your memories in the back of my mind. It replays in my head every single night, 95 north and the look in their eyes. It replays in my head every single day, you don't know what you have until it's gone away. Dressed up in a suit and tie, fighting back the tears, hiding blood shot eyes at the funeral. I began to think about the smell of smoke, the winding roads, blinding lights and the last time that my siblings spoke. But I looked up at the sky with your memories in the back of my mind. So I'll smile up at the sky and raise this glass to you tonight. And I've been waiting for your ghost to visit me in my sleep.
I left it all behind me tonight. No, I don't hold regrets - I just think its for the best to let the past just be the past and I'm never going back there, keep myself in tact, yeah. To all my friends and enemies - this one's for you and the road that lies in front of me. I set a fire to my heart to illuminate the dark and I used the lessons that I've learned to ignite this spark and now I know the way to go. I'm not afraid of being alone. I can't waste another day living life this way when the answer is staring me dead in the face. Dowse my past in kerosene, strike the match and burn away the memories. I've learned a lot over the past few years. This world is trying to test me but I'm still here. I won't forget what I've sacrificed; I won't stop putting up a fight.


released July 8, 2014




Pure Noise Records Nashville, Tennessee

Independent record label since 2009.

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