1. |
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“How does the rose open its heart and give the world its beauty?”
It bathes in the light, the love of the sun encouraging its blooming
You be the ground where nothing is sown and plant the seeds of love to grow,
Cultivate the change you seek
Love is not a song sung by the weak
When in the trap of doubt, remember it’s a cloud
This to shall pass and fade, impermanence to pain
What is the body but a shadow of a shadow of our love, in which the whole universe resides
There is only wind in that well and there have always been keys in the cell
It takes compassion to confront your pain
It takes strength to be vulnerable enough to float on the rivers of shame
“Be ground, be crumbled, you’ve been stoney for too long”
“let wild flowers grow where you are”
let your heart burst, let it explode
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2. |
Carry The Weight
03:58
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I used to want to die but now I believe, not in a distant god but there is a love I found in me
I’d rather be awake and in pain than asleep
Singing as if no one can hear takes more courage than you think
I carried the weight in the only way I knew
I was scared enough to lie and say that I’m okay
When inside I was dying, so confused, so alone, so afraid
I hope you never know what it’s like to hide a piece of yourself inside
To be so fucking ashamed you’d rather kill yourself than be alive
I want to be alive
I carried the weight in the only way I knew
I am still scared but I’ve got courage to be more vulnerable and one day free
Now my heart isn’t covered with concrete, I can breathe
No longer scared of the vulnerability
No longer scared of the person that I see
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3. |
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Sometimes I get so silent I can hear my heartbeat
Sometimes I get so silent, the memories come back to me
But now I know, there is suffering no one should have to feel
Hiding the truth, because it wasn’t safe to be open with who I was, it left me in agony
The shame, the sadness, the darkness surrounded every part of my being
I had no compassion, no love for myself, there was no relief
Except in thoughts of death
I have learned to love myself, I have learned to care,
I have learned to make peace with the sadness and despair
I had no compassion, no love for myself, there was no relief
Except in thoughts of death
I was so alone, buried in sadness, love dragged me out of it
I want to love with the courage of an open heart
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4. |
Wounds
03:48
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Fear, I was so afraid to face the truth and open wide
For fear that I would float away and not been seen
There is a beating in my heart and it is the scariest thing I have ever felt
To know that the difference between joy and sadness is such a small sliver
There is a welling up of emotions inside me that I just can't bare; tears stream down my face
There are moments of extreme joy, there are moments of love, there are moments of madness
And this is life; we cannot change what arises, only how we greet it
The pictures they fade, my horrible memories fade
They burst into fire when I chose to let love be my guide
Depression, anxiety and shame, they almost killed me
Obsession, addiction and pain, they almost killed me
The wounds that never heal are the ones you refuse to see
Be the change you seek
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5. |
Take Refuge
03:52
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I was born with wings, yet I chose to crawl
Through my mind like a desert void of anything good at all
Now I hold my head up high, hang the noose up on the wall
Love help me see the invisible, compassion set me free
Just Let Go
May I forgive myself for the person who I think I should be
May I love myself even when it feels like I don’t deserve to breathe.
What you seek is seeking you.
“There is no agony like holding on to a untold story inside of you”, poisoning the truth
Do you want to break the chains?
Take refuge
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6. |
Surrender
05:13
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My heart breaks, it's quivering
when I stare into the sky and I know that I am part of this
Unfolding into beauty, my eyes steam with tears, rainbow ribbons grace the ground
I have died a thousands times, I have breathed a million breaths, but it has taken me this long to be present
It's taken an eternity to see this evidence
"Wisdom tells me I am nothing, my heart tells me I am everything,
somewhere between the two my life flows"
There is a beating in my heart I haven’t felt in years
“Thirst drove me to water where I drank from the moonlight” and now I’m free
My soul is from elsewhere, I am sure of that
Surrender and empty myself of the past
Refuge is waiting in the moment
Surrender
Don’t let your heart be turned to stone, there is a way out
There is so much peace that you can have, once you see, we are not as separate as you may think
The world’s an ocean and you’re a wave; we are the ocean made up of intersecting waves
There is so much love and so much kindness
There is so much hope, someday you’ll find it
Take the armor off your heart and let it beat
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7. |
Dying Words
02:47
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“Be the lamp unto yourself”, shine the light onto the truth
There is so much beauty in this world, I just didn’t see it
I was too busy protecting my heart, with good reason
Some of us have been so abused, so mislead, so far from love
We don’t even know how far we’ve gone
Why did I stay in prison when the door was left wide open?
What was it that I was clinging to?
I changed the perspective, not just the view
Love has changed me
What are the stories you tell yourself?
That you aren’t good enough or shouldn’t feel?
The love that you deserve is pounding in your chest
Reach inside and fucking grab it
There is so much beauty, there is so much love, if you are willing to give up
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8. |
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I was so tired of being alone
I was so tired of listening to the chorus in my head
Telling myself I wasn’t good enough to be happy or proud or loving to myself
What kind of life is that to lead?
Finding the courage to open up my heart finally let me fucking breathe
I want to believe
No one should ever be judged for who they love
No one should ever have to be afraid
There is so much grace in being vulnerable
There is so much beauty in being brave
I learned to love myself, turpentine away the pain
What I found underneath was a quivering heart ready to beat
I am no longer afraid to die in shame“ Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open. Move outside the triangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.” - Rumi
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9. |
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I don’t want to be afraid of this life anymore
I don’t want to be suffocated by the weight
Who was this person I was pretending to be?
Silent compassion broke these chains of misery
Scared to death of being vulnerable
So I need everything I could to put the walls up
I locked myself and held myself in a cell of shame, screaming for a change
Pull the thorns from your heart
I tried so hard to run away from the truth
I hated myself so I abused my soul, my heart, my body for the sexuality that I didn’t choose
Devastated by shame, I was so entrenched in pain
I found that hell is the absence of loving self
I’ve been looking for a pearl, this whole time it’s been right in my chest
I went diving to the depths of hell once, but I only found death
“He said to me, don’t be afraid of your end. Be bold, be authentic, be brave enough to love again”
And he said,
“Pull the thorns from your heart, to wander in the fields of flowers”
Give up a little, gain a little peace
Empty yourself, become eternity
I will not die in shame
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10. |
We Are Returning Home
03:52
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There is something in my heart telling me to let go
Put away all of your armor; it’s got to kill me if I want to grow
It’s a choice that I must make so I can be free
The times that you take to wait for all the things that you need
Are the times that you’ve wasted
Reach up from the soil and bloom, “go to the places that scare you”
Shine the light on what is it that you’re not willing to see
We are all returning home
We think we are separate, so we roam
Searching for something to satisfy this thirst, we must turn inward
“Do you hear that roaring between your ears?”
Do you have the courage to listen?
Can you make peace with your fear?
You can wait for death to come or you can take a chance and leap
And be like melting snow, wash away all that you’ve known
You could wait for death to come or you can take a chance and leap
Into the great unknown, do you fear what you might see?
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11. |
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We all struggle to breathe sometimes, we all just want to feel alive
I just get so damn scared at night that I won’t be the person who I should
This life is so fragile, we can break in two
We can face that truth with grace and choose to lose our hardened views
One day I will be gone but all the things that I have done will remain, they will remain; my actions remain
There is nothing sadder than an unlived life
You cannot run from the things you hide
You must turn and face the fear inside
We are all longing for connection, we are all longing for acceptance
There is nothing that shows more strength than meeting pain with compassion
Because we all have wounded hearts, we are all just as blind in the dark
We all quiver in fear when the ones we love disappear
But the love they gave us, it stays here
But the love they showed us, it stays here
it stays here
stays here
here
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